Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Little Foxes

It's in the Song of Solomon about the foxes ruining vineyards, but it wasn't until I read a devotional yesterday that I understood what those foxes really are and they are the little frustrations, the nasty little voices, the stuff that throws us off track.

Staying on course when we are healing is important.  Understanding what makes me lose my control and risk my progress is really a huge step for me.  I found myself all day yesterday and today saying "Little foxes, stay way. Little foxes." whenever I felt that  rushing, burning, hair pulling frustration that seems to just knock me off my track.

Who are your little foxes? What do they do or say?  Knowing them is a good first step in dealing with them.

Mine are those actions that remind me of the times I was devalued and dismessed.


Mine are those words which seem to say, "ah if you mattered I'd care, but you don't so..."


Mine are those times when the littlest things make me boil inside.


Mine are those things like wet cloths in the sink, left open bread bags, dirty tubs, hole digging dogs...


Mine are those questions that are unheard and the answers dismissed.


Mine are all the times that that little demon whispers in my ear, "not worthy, not good enough, not smart enough, they were right about you all along since you were a kid, worthless, unlovable..."


And instead of, at least for the past couple of days, losing control I'm feeling at peace.  I know their little pointy faces, I know their digging ways and I am staring them down.  Little foxes, little foxes, go away! Go away!  I feel like I am able to really see the roots of the lifelong struggle I've had and now I can start dealing with them.  Little steps to deal with little foxes, leading to big leaps forward!

17 comments:

  1. I love the pictures that you bring to mind with your words. I had my own little foxes today when my husband brought company for supper for the third day in a row. I wouldn't have minded except that I hurt my knee earlier in the day and couldn't bend it and then just before they got here I had to sit down because I thought I was going to pass out from a dizzy spell. When I don't feel well, I get irritable easily and it didn't matter than we had company. I let my irritation show toward my husband and his complaints. We have to talk when he gets home from work tonight. Little foxes leave me alone, at least until I feel better.

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  2. Hugs you Patricia, I can completely understand where you are coming from on that one! I'm not a great patient when I'm not feeling well and it's hard to put a nice face on things when you really feeling like snarling - little foxes leave Patricia alone!

    ReplyDelete
  3. My little foxes are the voices that say: things will never be different, no matter how long I do the recovery work. That people will always see me as broken and not worth the risk; that I will never be strong enough or healed enough to follow any dreams; that I will always be afraid, fear will never leave me.

    I struggle with these foxes all the time, even if I refuse to look at them, turn my back on them, they are always biting at my ankles.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Carla, my foxes do that too. They are wrong. You are worth it. Mine nip too...it's really hard but you are not alone, and I believe in your healing. Many hugs...

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