Betrayal by a friend. By someone who could be family. It is a theme that is abundant at Easter time. Betrayal of Jesus. Betrayal of a people. Being chosen to be sold out. It's like a horror movie. Here, let me befriend you and then I'll sell you out in the end.
And the really nasty horror isn't the amount you are sold out for but that you were sold out by someone who you trusted. For me it has been a slow dawning realization that there are a few people who I thought were mostly unaware and unable who were both very aware and very able but choose not to be.
It's like looking at someone you felt was a foe and feeling pretty confident because you had someone backing you up. Someone behind you that you could trust. What happens when your supposed foe looks at you in horror and shock because they are seeing what you cannot...the one you trusted enough to have your back has been waiting to shank you. Choosing to bring you hurt. Selling you out. Leaving you out to dry. Using your words against you. Taking your trust and making it something shameful and ugly.
It's like knowing something isn't right but you don't have enough of the pieces to make the picture make sense and then you get that final piece and BANG it does. And it breaks your heart. It makes you ill. It makes so many things make sense. Not the least of which is how you almost always got left hanging out in the wind when you thought you had an advocate, a champion or at least a friend who you could trust.
I gotta tell you, this is a place that totally sucks. It requires a review and refocus on many things that have been assumed. Many things that were brushed aside are now sharply in focus and suddenly making a terrible amount of sense.
Maybe it was a friend or a family member or someone who counselled you. It could have been almost anyone that had a tiny bit of your trust. Just enough to have you let them stand behind you at your unprotected back. Yeah, THAT someone!
She wasn't unable to help she choose not to. Those times when the wrath came raining down upon you he was the rat. When your spirit screamed for a voice, they counselled silence. Not for you but for them!
The battles you thought you fought together on common ground were nothing of the sort. They were games to them. Those times you tried or succeeded in confiding you were being led into betrayal. That weirdness that didn't make sense in this new light really does. And in making sense you are peeling back layers you didn't even know.
In those layers are truth and in that truth is freedom and in that freedom is healing and in healing we can find our wings and fly! I'm learning this, and it really and truly has tried me and cause me many tears. It has also confirmed many things and most importantly revealed that the crazy maker wasn't me!
Yes, you heard me right...and I'll come back tomorrow with that post...after all shouldn't the crazy maker have his or her own post? They deserve it...they earned it!