Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Crazy Makers

You are not right in the head.

You should be put away.

You'd be easier to manage if you were on medication.

Do you know you are not normal?

These are all direct quotes from a variety of crazy makers who have come into my life at one time or another. They are those people who delight in twisting you up and making you feel so insane, so not right.

People who will on purpose and with intent say and do things to mess with your head, your emotions, your truth are crazy makers.  They may not be primary abusers, for some of us they are the ambush artists but they are always waiting in the wings for their chance to add to the disarray of your mind.

When you know for certain about something, they are the ones who will spend all their time and efforts to make you sound like you made it up.  They know, you know and yet the tangled mess goes on and on.

Crazy makers.  They are the ones, that so often, convince us to be quiet.  They are the ones who try to deny that any truth but theirs has value.  They are the ones who will say, Now there dear, you know you have no idea what you are talking about.  I KNOW and you DO NOT. So hush.

And because, at least in my experience, they are so blessed hard to argue with that I've often (too often!) given up and gone away.  Hurt. Alone. Thought of as wrong in the head and wrong in the heart. Just wrong.

They tell you loving things with hurtful intent.  They use knowledge for control and for power.  They do not empower or encourage.  They cut apart, they cut through, they deny the healing because they deny the wounding.

When do you know if you are with a crazy maker?  For me it is easy  - when (after talking to them for even a little while) you feel like you've been talking to an alien.  A frustrating alien who speaks a language like yours but turns everything you say into something else.  And for me I know it by the smug look on their faces when frustrated I start to give up and turn away.

How have I dealt with my crazy makers?  I ignore them.  I refuse to play their games and I refuse to be a party to their sport of harming me.  I know what I know, they have no right to come and undo that. Your crazy makers don't have the right to do it to you either.  No amount of pseudo loving words will cover their glee and joy at your pain and confusion.

When we are healing we are seeking truth and that is the very last thing a crazy maker wants us to find.  Protect your truth, it is the most important thing you have or they wouldn't be trying to rip it from you, along with your sanity, your joy and your healing.

(statement of author: in no way am I ever discounting a valid diagnosis by a professional, I'm talking directly about those people who would harm us at our most vulnerable and engage in a special kind of abuse that makes me crazy, hence their tag of crazy makers.  This does, however, put the finger firmly in their faces for any of them who have made someone's mental illness worse by their cruelty.  They know who they are.)


  1. Mystic Mom, I have to say that I have pretty much gone out of my way to avoid people of any kind who 'might' do this to me. Which means I don't share very much of anything with anyone, except those right here in our survivors community. I still have my walls up to those on the outside of 'us'. I feel way too vulnerable and feel as though I wouldn't be able to keep my wits about me if I had to endure that kind of 'secondary' abuse.

    Not sure what the solution is, because I know that MY way is not totally empowering, just as having to put up with the 'crazy makers' isn't empowering either. Are we destined to only feel safe among each other? And even then, there are some among 'us' who can do these things as well. There is always a measure of vulnerability.

    I'm glad for you that you recognize who these people are in your life and are willing to put a stop to their abuse of you! That shows great strength on your part! Stay with that!


  2. I, too, have gone out of my way to avoid these crazy makers but it isn't always possible. Sometimes because of my religious/spiritual beliefs, they show up on my blog with comments trying to convince me that their way is the only way to God/Heaven. I don't have a conversation with them. I usually post their comment, as long as they are respectful to me and everyone who reads my blog. My usual reply back to them is "Thank you for sharing that." They are allowed to have their opinions and so am I.

    If the conversation is on a physical level instead of online, I say that "Thank you for sharing that." and then walk away. I refuse to have a conversation with people like you describe above when their only intent is to make themselves right and me wrong. If they are willing to compromise and agree to disagree then I might stay and explore their thoughts and mine on the topic. If there is no bend in them, then I don't waste my time or theirs. I won't let anyone make me feel "crazy" because I am different or because I was abused and they can't acknowledge or deal with my abuse.

    As for telling me to "hush" because I believe different from them whether it is about abuse, spirituality, what normal is, or any other topic - no one has the right to make me feel crazy or to doubt what my truth is about the incest or any other subjects in my life. They aren't me. They don't know what my experiences have been or how they have affected me. They aren't on my journey. They are on their own journey through life and so they can't tell me to "hush" about my own memories and about my own journey. That is abuse and I refuse to be abused again. I will walk away rather than be abused again.

  3. Carla - I too find it very hard to be vulnerable around the majority of people. It is very hard to feel open except with other survivors but to be able to feel and be open at all is a first in my life these past few months. It is amazing to be able to share and be empowered, rather than having your own truths used to harm you. I don't know the solution, but a big part is knowing them for what they are and doing what we can to stop them. Together our voices make us stronger and I believe in that strength we can take their power away.

    Patricia - thank you for coming by. I admire you and aspire to have your strength one day! Your message of truth in our healing and grace in dealing with others shows a special leadership for those who are healing.

    Thank you both for sharing!

  4. If there was a "like" button I'd use it here! You have some great insights on the crazymakers in the world. I've learned to acknowledge that these folks are still on their own journey and that its ok to simply say "thank you for your comment" and walk away. To try to engage in or argue with these folks is me participating in crazy making. And like you said - these folks will often use our arguments against us at some point.

  5. Thanks for commenting Susan, and for stopping by. They are indeed on their own journey, and staying out of their way is most often not only safe but wise for us.