Thursday, August 18, 2011

Go away!

(small joke - see no one listens to me! I post a title that says go away and yet here you all are! I love you for not listening to me! Thanks for coming here to another Scarred Seeker post.  You honour me by showing up, you humble me when you comment and I'm floored when you share my words...thank you!)

Go away!  I want to scream it.  I want to paint it on boards and then nail them to every fence post and then I want to chain my gate shut.  Go away!

And yet I don't...I really can't, can I?  It won't work. They would crawl under the wire and they would chew through the boards and then they would sit by my door all sad and pitiful.  ARGH!  I can't stand them.  They freak me out.  Really, they freak me out!

No idea what I'm talking about yet? Or maybe you have people and things in your life that you can totally relate to this?

Here's the thing.  I really cannot handle major league drama when it is used for passive agressive and non-productive and detrimental to healing ways.  When it is used to get sympathy and there is no incentive for change.

You've seen the movies and video games, the walking wounded. They seem so shell shocked and dazed they don't know they are wounded!  Their guts are hanging out, their arms are torn off, their bodies a zombie like shambling wreck and they keep walking towards you.

Now picture this - they are fully aware of the drama!  They know perfectly well they are playing the drama game and yet they don't understand how much it is hurting them.  Telling them doesn't work, this is something they figure out banging into closed doors and brick walls. 

My friend is like this.  She is dreadfully unhappy unless there is some life altering crisis happening RIGHT NOW!  She cannot function without drama.  You cannot even have a conversation without her wanting to know, does this sound or feel authentic or how was it really like and can you tell me more?  She needs the drama rush.  She is as hooked on it as anyone can be on something that is an actual substance to abuse.

I have learned that there is a huge huge difference between helping someone heal and feeding their drama.  Sometimes the boundaries need to be put up tall, strong and wide.  I'm doing my own healing, I'm not strong enough to carry someone else, my weight is enough.  I care for her, and the other drama junkies and I pray for them. But I cannot have them in my life, not daily or even weekly.

A visit the other day was like watching a slomo slasher flick because I could see her woundedness and hear the pain in her voice.  It was so sad, there is so much hurt, and so little desire to heal from it because the attention gotten for being wounded is too seductive to leave.  It'd be like being in a body cast, liking the attention, and staying in a body cast!  That's no way to live.  It's no way to expect others who care about you to live.

Tonight is my go away night.  I am surrounded by storm clouds, thunder and lightning.  I wonder will we get rain, which is much needed, or will we have damage instead.  I hate facing these storms alone but I've gotten used to it.  It is easier for me.  I feel surrounded lately by other people's drama storms and I guess that's why the two things collided and made this post!  Sorry if it is rough or not polished.  I've got to finish before the power goes out...or the hail hits...or something else wicked comes.

I think I know where there are some markers and paper maybe I'll make some signs, by flashlight beam, just in case I get brave enough to put them up!


  1. Precise words show vivid movie clip in my mind of what you are talking about. It's like the zombies from MJ's Thriller video from the 80's.

    Sad and yuckie.

    Hang your signs!

  2. Hang 'em girl! It is so hard to do that! So hard to say, "Enough already!" I totally understand and for some reason, I've always been so super aware of being one of those life sucking people. I don't want to be one so I try to watch what I say and how much complaining I do. It's sad when folks really don't want to heal. I DO! I want it and I want to keep it.

    Please feel free to stop by: Trailing After God

  3. Sharon and Mel - you two are the bright sharpie markers in my evening! Thanks for the encouragement and love! Want me to make you signs too? I have lots of paper! :-)

  4. You have so much strength and so much courage and such a desire to want to heal. I watch you and see a much younger me wanting to heal so bad that I refused to let anybody hold me back. Boundaries are healthy and those who don't want to heal won't like them. You have to put your healing first over their drama making. I hate zombie movies. I cannot watch them.

  5. Patricia - thank you for the love and encouragement! I hate zombie movies too - shudder! "Healing over drama making" I like that!

  6. After years and years of family and friends who love the drams are so negative I have started one by one to distance myself from them and you know what I feel so much better for doing so ...

  7. I totally get that. Helping people can be hard because it could be their drama, or real hurt that needs healing. The best advice I can give to anyone is that God is always with them, even when it seems all help has gone from them. God never leaves, and He is the ever-present help in time of need.

  8. SuperMum - it does feel better to have that distance doesn't it? Drama free zones are good!

    Mike - It is hard, because you want to help the real hurt but being sucked into the drama is not fun for anyone! I surrender people to God, and let Him bring them to whom they need to be with...

    Thanks for coming by!

  9. Oh do I know those zombie movies well... to move forth, healing and learning from the pain we have gone through is good, helping us to avoid it in the future. But yes, there are many whom love to wallow in its sympathies. They won't understand your signs well, probably will crawl under, over and around if you let them... still healing is a process. This time they might have made it through, the next time, your wall will be stronger.