(small joke - see no one listens to me! I post a title that says go away and yet here you all are! I love you for not listening to me! Thanks for coming here to another Scarred Seeker post. You honour me by showing up, you humble me when you comment and I'm floored when you share my words...thank you!)
Go away! I want to scream it. I want to paint it on boards and then nail them to every fence post and then I want to chain my gate shut. Go away!
And yet I don't...I really can't, can I? It won't work. They would crawl under the wire and they would chew through the boards and then they would sit by my door all sad and pitiful. ARGH! I can't stand them. They freak me out. Really, they freak me out!
No idea what I'm talking about yet? Or maybe you have people and things in your life that you can totally relate to this?
Here's the thing. I really cannot handle major league drama when it is used for passive agressive and non-productive and detrimental to healing ways. When it is used to get sympathy and there is no incentive for change.
You've seen the movies and video games, the walking wounded. They seem so shell shocked and dazed they don't know they are wounded! Their guts are hanging out, their arms are torn off, their bodies a zombie like shambling wreck and they keep walking towards you.
Now picture this - they are fully aware of the drama! They know perfectly well they are playing the drama game and yet they don't understand how much it is hurting them. Telling them doesn't work, this is something they figure out banging into closed doors and brick walls.
My friend is like this. She is dreadfully unhappy unless there is some life altering crisis happening RIGHT NOW! She cannot function without drama. You cannot even have a conversation without her wanting to know, does this sound or feel authentic or how was it really like and can you tell me more? She needs the drama rush. She is as hooked on it as anyone can be on something that is an actual substance to abuse.
I have learned that there is a huge huge difference between helping someone heal and feeding their drama. Sometimes the boundaries need to be put up tall, strong and wide. I'm doing my own healing, I'm not strong enough to carry someone else, my weight is enough. I care for her, and the other drama junkies and I pray for them. But I cannot have them in my life, not daily or even weekly.
A visit the other day was like watching a slomo slasher flick because I could see her woundedness and hear the pain in her voice. It was so sad, there is so much hurt, and so little desire to heal from it because the attention gotten for being wounded is too seductive to leave. It'd be like being in a body cast, liking the attention, and staying in a body cast! That's no way to live. It's no way to expect others who care about you to live.
Tonight is my go away night. I am surrounded by storm clouds, thunder and lightning. I wonder will we get rain, which is much needed, or will we have damage instead. I hate facing these storms alone but I've gotten used to it. It is easier for me. I feel surrounded lately by other people's drama storms and I guess that's why the two things collided and made this post! Sorry if it is rough or not polished. I've got to finish before the power goes out...or the hail hits...or something else wicked comes.
I think I know where there are some markers and paper maybe I'll make some signs, by flashlight beam, just in case I get brave enough to put them up!