I keep diving in. Conversations. Wishes. Dreams.
Seeking your notice. Your approval.
Your interest.
I can't help but wonder why I seek this?
It only hurts me. Even when I keep my
Expectations so low that your being
conscious is a victory.
I'm up to my neck in wanting you to care.
I think it is time to shake it off!
I think I am done actively trying.
Done with the wanting, the wishing.
I'm done hoping too.
It is time to shake it off. Shake you off.
Like water.
Like dust.
Like dried blood and dreams.
Time to leave you with the echoes of my prayers.
And your own selfish ways.
Your desire to be important
has robbed you of being
included in our lives.
And you don't even notice.
And you don't care.
Maybe someday.
Or maybe not.
You choose
not me.
Copyright 2012, Shanyn Silinski
Love this poem ~ I lived this too; longing for the attention and love from a few people who kept rejecting me as if to say " you are not worth it " and it was when I finally filled my own need that I was able to "shake it off" and shake them off and shake that longing off. It wasn't a quick process... it was one of those time things... but today I am free.
ReplyDeleteDarlene - I love the smell and sound of freedom! Working my way there, one step and shake at a time. Thanks so much for coming by!
ReplyDeleteMy friend Dan L. Hays wished to comment but Blogger wouldn't let him in. This is what he messaged to me. Thanks Dan.
ReplyDelete"Powerful words, Shanyn, and well phrased! An affirmation of growth and change! Thanks for sharing it with us!
Yours was a very eloquent poem, Shanyn, and I'm so glad that you shared it!
Dan"
I am living this way for too long now. 19 years. i am fnally realizing that i can't deal with it much longer. How do you get out of it? I am so sad, angry, lonely, empty, tired of the smile on the outside. Getting exhausted. Tired of acting like we have a family. He is out 6 nights a week and we have a 16 yr. old daughter. He doesn't pay attention to either of us. It got worse after he reached sobriety....isn't it crazy how much more mean and violent he became in recovery. He is outrageously abusive in every way.
ReplyDeleteI can relate to this post very much and with much sadness, you put it very well. I would also like to pass on to you and your blog, the Liebster Blog Award. Congratulations, you deserve it your blog is heartfelt and inspiring. To find out more and to accept if you should choose to do so, please come on over to http://bhindthesmile.blogspot.co.uk/2012/08/a-surprise.html
ReplyDeleteyou put into words things i can only hope to express and expel from my soul. thank you. this is something that is always on my heart that i want to be free of. twisted me into someone i dont know and cant accept. time to walk away.. thank you..
ReplyDelete