It breaks my heart. So many people I know and care about are living with bullies in their lives. In their homes. Their church. Their families. They think they have to accept that. It makes me so sad.
They don't know they don't have to accept bullies in their lives. They don't want to face that they have allowed bullies to continue to be in their lives. They fear to face the thought that those bullies are teaching a new generation of bullies and are wounding those who can't stand up to them. They live in fear.
We talk about bullies in school. We talk about bullies in the work place. What about those in church? What about those on TV? What about those who sit at our table for breakfast?
Who is talking about those bullies? (hey...notice that resounding silence? Yeah I did too!)
We are going to be! Scarred Seeker is taking on the bullies! We are going to talk about stopping the bullying. Speaking up and showing our kids that as adults we aren't going to be bullies and we are not going to be bullied!
Won't you join me?
What can I do to help?
ReplyDeleteShare your work with us and maybe guest post?
DeleteYes, what can I do to help?
ReplyDeleteHelp get the conversation going and comment when folks start sharing...we need to stop bullying!
DeleteThis is an important topic. We're not taught how to deal with bullies as adults. I have no problem using my voice online but in person, I tend to withdraw and get quiet unless pushed too far. I'm learning to speak up w/o being confrontational etc but it is really hard.
ReplyDeleteBlessings,
Mel
Please feel free to stop by: Trailing After God
You are right Mel, it is easy to set virtual boundaries but how about those we face every day in person? That becomes a huge challenge, and I struggle with how to respond to bullies effectively. I think, like abuse, when we pull the mask off of bullying we also pull the power away too. The more we talk about it the less successful it will be.
DeleteExactly, another friend and I were talking about this last night. There need to be classes to learn how to deal with people who are rude and difficult.
DeleteKelly, Chris and Mel - your offers to help so quickly are such a blessing! Let's find some guest bloggers to share their knowledge and share some real life strategies for dealing with bullies. Maybe if we had some folks message me their questions or situations we could share our thoughts on them. Bullying impacts us all so deeply but as adults we are told to ignore it, suck it up or otherwise ignore it. That is not the way to stop bullying!
ReplyDeleteThis is such a relevant and apt revelation on your part. I am glad you are pursuing this topic! I grew up with a bully in my family- my mom- and it was incredibly painful. I did not have the resources or support to stand up for her and it took several years of healing to work out that I am worthy of having my own opinions and a unique voice! So this kind of stuff, especially when it is consistent and occurs over the long term, has a very negative impact on children. The consequences last long after the bully has left.
ReplyDeleteEdit: I did not have the resources or support to stand up *to* her.
DeleteThat's the worst, when the parent is the bully. The next resource we want to make is to take all of our material and write it so that kids can work on it with each other when they don't have adult support. This is a comment that affects so many people.
DeleteIt is so tragic when the parent is the bully. There is such a vulnerability that is taken advantage of when it is adult to child in a family or any other setting of trust. Thank you for sharing here and I'm so proud that you have worked on your healing and finding your voice!
DeleteI'm using on Mel's site as "Lost and Found Lady" [Trailing After God], so I'm a guest commenter today. Thank you for posting such a courageous topic.
ReplyDeleteCourage is not defined as the absence of fear, but the taking of actions experiencing fear. Here we are, to discuss how to take actions while afraid.
First of all, while it may seem like we are alone, God is with us. Many times, God describes Himself as the Witness. The law of sowing and reaping is as binding and no-nonsense as the law of gravity. The eastern religion term for this very real natural law is 'Karma'. This is a real law. Those who break it will be exposed and punished. If you want to read the specifics about this, it's found in Exechiel chapter 34.17:34 as follows:
17 “‘As for you, my flock, this is what the Sovereign LORD says: I will judge between one sheep and another, and between rams and goats. 18 Is it not enough for you to feed on the good pasture? Must you also trample the rest of your pasture with your feet? Is it not enough for you to drink clear water? Must you also muddy the rest with your feet? 19 Must my flock feed on what you have trampled and drink what you have muddied with your feet?
20 “‘Therefore this is what the Sovereign LORD says to them: See, I myself will judge between the fat sheep and the lean sheep. 21 Because you shove with flank and shoulder, butting all the weak sheep with your horns until you have driven them away, 22 I will save my flock, and they will no longer be plundered. I will judge between one sheep and another. 23 I will place over them one shepherd, my servant David, and he will tend them; he will tend them and be their shepherd. 24 I the LORD will be their God, and my servant David will be prince among them. I the LORD have spoken.
Found in the moment experiencing bullying there are two main defensive positions to consider. One are external boundaries such as limiting time spent with them or adding physical distance. You can also arrange someone to interrupt you with a well timed phone call so you can walk away.
Internal boundaries have to do with your identity. When your identity is strong, bullying bounces off mostly. If you are very thin and you have a thin person's identity and someone calls you overweight.. you look at the remark and utterly discard it. That is how these defense protect you. If you have the identity of being born again, Children of the King, you actually feel sorry for the bully who has no roots and no inheritance in the Lord. Consider the end of those who are unrighteous. It is truly sad.
Thank you for sharing here, and for being a part of the conversation over at Trailing After God. I appreciate you sharing.
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