Friday, December 9, 2011

It's Not You

Haven't we all heard that line at least once in our lives? "It's not you, it's me." and didn't it fill you with a strange sort of dread.  That no matter how hard you tried something that was you could not match what they wanted.  When I hear that now, however, I find it rather freeing. Liberating. I'm using that line to clear up some misunderstandings about the choices I have made in my life.

It's not you who changed. You never do. You are solidly the same, even if it is in ways that are less than healthy for me.  Years have come and gone and you stay the same.

It's not you whom these changes have been made for. Indeed, if I could make one change for you it would be that you could change. But you choose not to.

It's not you who has worried, cried and fretted countless nights away in worry, fear, despair and loneliness.  You saw those tears as weakness, as being 'wimpy' and flawed.

It's not you who choose for the heart of a little child, instead of the material satisfaction of an adult.

It's not you, it's me who made the choices to have boundaries, to make things clear and defined.

It's not you, it's me who choose to change her life. For the better. Not the easier. Easier would have been, well easy, but not right. Not right for me. Not right for them.

It's not you, it's me who realized nothing really changes unless you want it to.  And when you don't nothing will change you because you become solid in your place, stuck even, and soon the won't change becomes can't change and the shame/blame game continues.

It's not you, it's me who decided to stop the games, stop the tear-filled madness.

It's not you, it's me who choose to forgive and move forward.  We're waiting. We're praying. Someday you may come, then again you may not.

I'm okay with this. It's okay for it to be me and not you.


  1. Nicely Said!
    I like how you put a different spin on this well known saying. Great post!
    Hugs, Darlene

  2. Thanks Darlene! :-) It came to me the other night that it wasn't them, it was me, and that it was totally okay for it to be that way! Thanks for sharing.

  3. Wow, how very POWERFUL ~ thank you for sharing that with me's right where I'm at, and I've heard it the other way for so long, but today, because of you, I hear it completely different and will work (and it is hard work) to keep this in the front of my mind when I hear those words! You are very insightful. Thank you seems trivial to what you gave me today...
    ...But that's all I got - so THANK YOU!!!

  4. Marie - thank you for sharing, and for stopping by. It's great that your perspective on this has changed a bit, I've found it to be very freeing! Thank you can be two of the most powerful words spoken!