Sometimes it is so hard to keep the darkness away.
It lurks at the edge of my vision, waiting, breathing.
I feel it under my skin, over my shoulder, in me.
Everyone sees the light in me, they see how it shines.
They don't see that it is brighter for the shadows.
Darkness makes light seem bright, and I feel fake.
My prayers and my faith hold me up, it pulls me.
Sideways and across, down and down again.
That darkness no one knows thirsts in me.
I thought if I rattled all the bones, burnt the wraps,
shredded the secrets and tossed the ashes to the sky
that it would leave me be, leave me alone, go away.
It doesn't. I don't fear it. We've been together too long.
I fear for the day it gets away. I pray my angel stays stronger.
Some are sheep, and stay that way. Some grow wolfish.
Redeemed, saved, blessed, loved and yet the darkness
rolls under my skin, in my veins, through my brain.
I cannot look when I feel her rise or I'll see it all.
That ancient darkness that protected the young,
hunted and fought wars to save that sweet life
it lives in me, thrives in me, and I know her.
You can't know her, even if you know me.
She's too deep, too secret, too far down.
God hasn't taken her away, we are one.
Don't ask me to fight her, I can't win.
We have an uneasy bloodless truce.
I don't tempt her, she doesn't escape.
2011 Copyright, Shanyn Silinski