I wish you knew

There are things that you don't know.
Things you've never taken the time to hear.
There are things that I wish you knew.
You won't though,
 because they would require
 getting to know me again
and I'm different now.

So very different. 
I'm healing.
I'm more
than the old scars
and wounds.

I'm  putting the pieces together
and they are making
something really cool. 
They are making me!


Some days though
there are things
I wished you knew.

I wish you knew,
the choices you make
are your own but their price
was paid  by me.
Sometimes paid for years.

I wish you knew,
the times of waiting
for your approval
are long gone.

Life is for living,
Living is what we are doing.
Fully with every breath.
Following hearts,
Living in laughter.

I wish you knew,
I don't fear the phone calls
because I don't fear you.
I don't fear your rage.
I don't fear your games.

I wish you knew,
how much he wanted
to just know you and love you.
You gave that up.
Your choice. Again.

You gave up so much,
and you feel so full.
How can that be?
I'd rather be empty of stuff
and be full of loving and life.

I'm not sorry for speaking up.
I'm not sorry for speaking out.
I wasn't wrong then.
I'm not wrong now.
My choices I live with.
I think of their price, and
carry their weight.

I wish you knew, but
I don't think you care.
You demand respect.
I want it to be earned.
You want your white walls.
I'm tired of coverings.


I wish you knew me.
I wish you knew them.
I wish you knew us.
But you won't.
Your choice.
I can live with that.
I can. I am. I do.