There is no fear in love;
but perfect love casteth out fear ...—1 John 4:18
When they said, I love you but I don't like you there was no love.
When they said, You better love them they are your ____ there was no love.
When the said, You have to love me on my terms there was no love.
When you said I'm afraid and they laughed and then punished you for not loving them right there was no love.
I've come to a huge, world shattering understanding in my life and that is I cannot truly love you if I fear you. I cannot live and breathe and be love if there is control, neglect, abuse, obligation and fear.
My second huge, world healing understanding has been when there is love the fear can be cast out. Fear, like a living thing, doesn't go easily but it cannot live where there is love. Fear must feed and to feed it needs tears, pain, hurt, mistrust, greed, and blood. When those things are absent, so is fear.
I was taught fear and I was taught obligatory love but what I wasn't taught was this: neither of these things are love.
I yearned towards God and God's love. I wanted so badly to share in that but even the church became a place of fear and a supposed 'man of God' delivered that fear. The threats of wrath and the who would believe someone like YOU kept me thinking that there was something wrong but no one could tell me what that was. More on this over at Strawberry Roan...
Fear had an icy hand on my life for so long...and looking back I realize that fear isn't a hand.
Fear is a glove that abusers wear.
Fear is a hammer that controllers wield.
Fear is a threat that bullies wave around.
Fear can be healthy don't think it can't. It was fear that made me run away from an abusive family and ex husband. It was fear that drove me to consider seriously the impact of certain people in my life.
Fear can keep us alive. Fear can also keep us from living.
Fear is not love. Love is not fear.
Love isn't about hurting someone.
Love isn't about using fear to control someone.
Love is imperfect, human and all to wonderful but with all the things that it is fear is not one of them.
I refused to stay living in fear, and that meant setting some boundaries and establishing some distance. Strangely, I should have feared doing that, but instead I was set free! Isn't that something?
What fears have held you away from love?