You are not right in the head.
You should be put away.
You'd be easier to manage if you were on medication.
Do you know you are not normal?
These are all direct quotes from a variety of crazy makers who have come into my life at one time or another. They are those people who delight in twisting you up and making you feel so insane, so not right.
People who will on purpose and with intent say and do things to mess with your head, your emotions, your truth are crazy makers. They may not be primary abusers, for some of us they are the ambush artists but they are always waiting in the wings for their chance to add to the disarray of your mind.
When you know for certain about something, they are the ones who will spend all their time and efforts to make you sound like you made it up. They know, you know and yet the tangled mess goes on and on.
Crazy makers. They are the ones, that so often, convince us to be quiet. They are the ones who try to deny that any truth but theirs has value. They are the ones who will say, Now there dear, you know you have no idea what you are talking about. I KNOW and you DO NOT. So hush.
And because, at least in my experience, they are so blessed hard to argue with that I've often (too often!) given up and gone away. Hurt. Alone. Thought of as wrong in the head and wrong in the heart. Just wrong.
They tell you loving things with hurtful intent. They use knowledge for control and for power. They do not empower or encourage. They cut apart, they cut through, they deny the healing because they deny the wounding.
When do you know if you are with a crazy maker? For me it is easy - when (after talking to them for even a little while) you feel like you've been talking to an alien. A frustrating alien who speaks a language like yours but turns everything you say into something else. And for me I know it by the smug look on their faces when frustrated I start to give up and turn away.
How have I dealt with my crazy makers? I ignore them. I refuse to play their games and I refuse to be a party to their sport of harming me. I know what I know, they have no right to come and undo that. Your crazy makers don't have the right to do it to you either. No amount of pseudo loving words will cover their glee and joy at your pain and confusion.
When we are healing we are seeking truth and that is the very last thing a crazy maker wants us to find. Protect your truth, it is the most important thing you have or they wouldn't be trying to rip it from you, along with your sanity, your joy and your healing.
(statement of author: in no way am I ever discounting a valid diagnosis by a professional, I'm talking directly about those people who would harm us at our most vulnerable and engage in a special kind of abuse that makes me crazy, hence their tag of crazy makers. This does, however, put the finger firmly in their faces for any of them who have made someone's mental illness worse by their cruelty. They know who they are.)
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Horror Movie
Betrayal by a friend. By someone who could be family. It is a theme that is abundant at Easter time. Betrayal of Jesus. Betrayal of a people. Being chosen to be sold out. It's like a horror movie. Here, let me befriend you and then I'll sell you out in the end.
And the really nasty horror isn't the amount you are sold out for but that you were sold out by someone who you trusted. For me it has been a slow dawning realization that there are a few people who I thought were mostly unaware and unable who were both very aware and very able but choose not to be.
It's like looking at someone you felt was a foe and feeling pretty confident because you had someone backing you up. Someone behind you that you could trust. What happens when your supposed foe looks at you in horror and shock because they are seeing what you cannot...the one you trusted enough to have your back has been waiting to shank you. Choosing to bring you hurt. Selling you out. Leaving you out to dry. Using your words against you. Taking your trust and making it something shameful and ugly.
It's like knowing something isn't right but you don't have enough of the pieces to make the picture make sense and then you get that final piece and BANG it does. And it breaks your heart. It makes you ill. It makes so many things make sense. Not the least of which is how you almost always got left hanging out in the wind when you thought you had an advocate, a champion or at least a friend who you could trust.
I gotta tell you, this is a place that totally sucks. It requires a review and refocus on many things that have been assumed. Many things that were brushed aside are now sharply in focus and suddenly making a terrible amount of sense.
Maybe it was a friend or a family member or someone who counselled you. It could have been almost anyone that had a tiny bit of your trust. Just enough to have you let them stand behind you at your unprotected back. Yeah, THAT someone!
She wasn't unable to help she choose not to. Those times when the wrath came raining down upon you he was the rat. When your spirit screamed for a voice, they counselled silence. Not for you but for them!
The battles you thought you fought together on common ground were nothing of the sort. They were games to them. Those times you tried or succeeded in confiding you were being led into betrayal. That weirdness that didn't make sense in this new light really does. And in making sense you are peeling back layers you didn't even know.
In those layers are truth and in that truth is freedom and in that freedom is healing and in healing we can find our wings and fly! I'm learning this, and it really and truly has tried me and cause me many tears. It has also confirmed many things and most importantly revealed that the crazy maker wasn't me!
Yes, you heard me right...and I'll come back tomorrow with that post...after all shouldn't the crazy maker have his or her own post? They deserve it...they earned it!
And the really nasty horror isn't the amount you are sold out for but that you were sold out by someone who you trusted. For me it has been a slow dawning realization that there are a few people who I thought were mostly unaware and unable who were both very aware and very able but choose not to be.
It's like looking at someone you felt was a foe and feeling pretty confident because you had someone backing you up. Someone behind you that you could trust. What happens when your supposed foe looks at you in horror and shock because they are seeing what you cannot...the one you trusted enough to have your back has been waiting to shank you. Choosing to bring you hurt. Selling you out. Leaving you out to dry. Using your words against you. Taking your trust and making it something shameful and ugly.
It's like knowing something isn't right but you don't have enough of the pieces to make the picture make sense and then you get that final piece and BANG it does. And it breaks your heart. It makes you ill. It makes so many things make sense. Not the least of which is how you almost always got left hanging out in the wind when you thought you had an advocate, a champion or at least a friend who you could trust.
I gotta tell you, this is a place that totally sucks. It requires a review and refocus on many things that have been assumed. Many things that were brushed aside are now sharply in focus and suddenly making a terrible amount of sense.
Maybe it was a friend or a family member or someone who counselled you. It could have been almost anyone that had a tiny bit of your trust. Just enough to have you let them stand behind you at your unprotected back. Yeah, THAT someone!
She wasn't unable to help she choose not to. Those times when the wrath came raining down upon you he was the rat. When your spirit screamed for a voice, they counselled silence. Not for you but for them!
The battles you thought you fought together on common ground were nothing of the sort. They were games to them. Those times you tried or succeeded in confiding you were being led into betrayal. That weirdness that didn't make sense in this new light really does. And in making sense you are peeling back layers you didn't even know.
In those layers are truth and in that truth is freedom and in that freedom is healing and in healing we can find our wings and fly! I'm learning this, and it really and truly has tried me and cause me many tears. It has also confirmed many things and most importantly revealed that the crazy maker wasn't me!
Yes, you heard me right...and I'll come back tomorrow with that post...after all shouldn't the crazy maker have his or her own post? They deserve it...they earned it!
Thursday, April 14, 2011
I hate to tell you
but I'm going to...
If there was ever a verbal warning that someone was going to punch you in the gut with their words that is it! So often it is couched in the false belief that all truth is a good truth. It also creates a false place where the lie we are forced to believe is an enforced truth.
I hate to tell you...but you have lettuce in your teeth.
Okay, that's cool. That's fair. Like telling someone they had toilet paper on their shoe or that their skirt was tucked into their hose. It doesn't cause hurt and it doesn't bring hurt through telling someone something they cannot do anything about. It also doesn't cause hurt by creating a false place of truth in a lie such as: you asked for it. You are a dirty girl. Good girls don't have bad things happen. You are nothing without me. You are worthless.
When someone tells you hurtful things clothed in their version of truth often enough you'll start to believe their lies as truths because they hurt the same way.
The real cue here is the opening I hate to tell you should really say, "Not only do I know this will hurt you but it will also be your fault because any rational person would know better and it is my job to tell you because even a hurtful truth is still the truth."
Oh and they don't hate to tell you. They relish telling you. They look forward to the hurt in your face while they bask in their rightness. There is no compassion. There is no love. There is only a a desire for maintaining control and delivering hurt.. It is about power and that power is not meant to belong to you or me.
Another one that sends waves of fear and stress through me are the openers: it's for your own good, or the truth hurts and honesty is the best policy.
Now to be clear when truth needs to be told it should be told but not with the intent to cause more hurt or harm. No one should have to be wounded more than necessary. If I need truth, if I need honesty then please don't cloak it in cruelty. Don't waste your breath telling me it's for my own good. I told the truth about things that happened to me and it wasn't with the intent to cause hurt or harm to anyone.
I needed to stop being silent from fear and I had to start healing. That wasn't going to happen if I had to be scared silent and afraid.
Too often I've heard abusers and manipulators and controllers use this weapon against those who don't know how to fight against it. There are few things that hurt more than seeing someone enjoy hurting you with something misnamed truth. How can something that is supposed to be benign and freeing be used for such deliberate hurting intent?
There are times that truth hurts but it is a healing hurt and it is one we need to be able to face, feel and work our way through. Those who deliver these truths, the bearers of these honesties are not doing their task lightly or with malice. They aren't telling me I asked for it or that I had it coming. They are not enjoying the delivery of pain and that is the difference to me.
Feel that you need to tell me my pants are ripped on the back? Please do!
Feel the need to tell me that my pants make me look fat and frumpy? Please don't. You don't have the right to share that because there is hurt in your intentions.
What is the test for truth? For me it is simple: can you deliver it with compassion? Does knowing it, how you are telling it, help me? Are you enjoying delivering hurt? Are you felling superior or better for knowing it over me? I would suggest that if you cannot say no to all then you should be quiet.
Walking a healing path is not easy. It is full of pitfalls, traps and places of hurt which surprise us. Doing this self work requires us to learn to be gentle with our selves. If those around us who are there to help cannot also be gentle they ought to consider their motives and desires.
Not everyone wants us to heal or to be happy. There are many who would like to say you don't have a great track record in dealing with ___________ and are happy to keep reminding you of your shortfalls, past and seem to delight in denying or poking at the wounds we carry.
Not everyone can accept our place on the journey, but it is our journey!
Don't let anyone take it away from you...
If there was ever a verbal warning that someone was going to punch you in the gut with their words that is it! So often it is couched in the false belief that all truth is a good truth. It also creates a false place where the lie we are forced to believe is an enforced truth.
I hate to tell you...but you have lettuce in your teeth.
Okay, that's cool. That's fair. Like telling someone they had toilet paper on their shoe or that their skirt was tucked into their hose. It doesn't cause hurt and it doesn't bring hurt through telling someone something they cannot do anything about. It also doesn't cause hurt by creating a false place of truth in a lie such as: you asked for it. You are a dirty girl. Good girls don't have bad things happen. You are nothing without me. You are worthless.
When someone tells you hurtful things clothed in their version of truth often enough you'll start to believe their lies as truths because they hurt the same way.
The real cue here is the opening I hate to tell you should really say, "Not only do I know this will hurt you but it will also be your fault because any rational person would know better and it is my job to tell you because even a hurtful truth is still the truth."
Oh and they don't hate to tell you. They relish telling you. They look forward to the hurt in your face while they bask in their rightness. There is no compassion. There is no love. There is only a a desire for maintaining control and delivering hurt.. It is about power and that power is not meant to belong to you or me.
Another one that sends waves of fear and stress through me are the openers: it's for your own good, or the truth hurts and honesty is the best policy.
Now to be clear when truth needs to be told it should be told but not with the intent to cause more hurt or harm. No one should have to be wounded more than necessary. If I need truth, if I need honesty then please don't cloak it in cruelty. Don't waste your breath telling me it's for my own good. I told the truth about things that happened to me and it wasn't with the intent to cause hurt or harm to anyone.
I needed to stop being silent from fear and I had to start healing. That wasn't going to happen if I had to be scared silent and afraid.
Too often I've heard abusers and manipulators and controllers use this weapon against those who don't know how to fight against it. There are few things that hurt more than seeing someone enjoy hurting you with something misnamed truth. How can something that is supposed to be benign and freeing be used for such deliberate hurting intent?
There are times that truth hurts but it is a healing hurt and it is one we need to be able to face, feel and work our way through. Those who deliver these truths, the bearers of these honesties are not doing their task lightly or with malice. They aren't telling me I asked for it or that I had it coming. They are not enjoying the delivery of pain and that is the difference to me.
Feel that you need to tell me my pants are ripped on the back? Please do!
Feel the need to tell me that my pants make me look fat and frumpy? Please don't. You don't have the right to share that because there is hurt in your intentions.
What is the test for truth? For me it is simple: can you deliver it with compassion? Does knowing it, how you are telling it, help me? Are you enjoying delivering hurt? Are you felling superior or better for knowing it over me? I would suggest that if you cannot say no to all then you should be quiet.
Walking a healing path is not easy. It is full of pitfalls, traps and places of hurt which surprise us. Doing this self work requires us to learn to be gentle with our selves. If those around us who are there to help cannot also be gentle they ought to consider their motives and desires.
Not everyone wants us to heal or to be happy. There are many who would like to say you don't have a great track record in dealing with ___________ and are happy to keep reminding you of your shortfalls, past and seem to delight in denying or poking at the wounds we carry.
Not everyone can accept our place on the journey, but it is our journey!
Don't let anyone take it away from you...
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Faking it...
"Even if you don't feel it, you should fake it 'until you make it'."
What? How? But the...I'm confused!
This, endorsed by a pastor, came up on a 'Question of the Day' for me in a group I belong to. It was something that resonated with me but not in a positive way and I'm afraid that my response wasn't either.
This does not, cannot, work for me. I cannot fake it anymore. That doesn't mean I'm going to be a socially unacceptable raving person but I'm not going to be nice just because it is expected and hope I'll feel nice sooner or later!
Maybe I'm taking this too deeply or even too literally but it seems to me that we should be honest with how we feel. That doesn't mean cruelly or in a hurtful way. Nothing it more harmful than a telling the truth in order to hurt. When someone does that they are taking away the power of the truth and instead inserting their desire for control and power. (But we'll save the "I hate to tell you but I'm gonna anyway" post for another time!)
This is directed at ourselves and how our desire to be that which we are not (yet, meant to be or ?) by pretending. That pretending, that falseness is what makes the lies of abuse and the silent assenter so hurtful and painful.
They wish to fake it until it is normal.
They want to fake it until it is right.
They want to fake it until it goes away.
They want to fake it until it is okay to be false! They want a normal that isn't. Where they don't have to actually be responsible or acknowledge the hurt. They want you and I to quietly fake ourselves away.
I cannot fake it! I won't. It would dishonour the healing. It would take away from the value of healing and it would say it is okay for you to have been hurt.
When I cannot be nice because I don't feel nice - I stay away from people.
When my healing is awkward for you then you should stay away from me. Don't ask me to fake it until I make it because I don't know that the end of the journey is worth skipping over the stuff in between. In fact I'm fairly certain that missing the middle negates the experience at the end.
It feels false to put on a smile, serve tea or hug someone when inside I am screaming NO! It isn't me needing to 'be nice for now' because of a social requirement. Sorry folks, I won't spit on you in public but I'm not going to be your fawning fan or best friend either.
If you think I don't like you perhaps it is what you stand for that I don't like. Maybe I'm not sure I want to be around someone who is so ready to deny their true feelings for such little truth. Maybe I don't really know you the person but understand what you stand for and support speaks volumes! Sometimes it even shouts from the rooftops!
Don't send me threats, and don't send me offers of once you've changed you can come around again or even when you are ready to abide by my rules you know where I'm at. I do know exactly where you are at and as long as you are there it is one place that I will not be!
I won't fake my feelings into something they are not and maybe won't ever be.
If I am hurt, I might cry.
If I am scared, I might hide away.
If I don't trust you, I won't put myself where I must trust you.
If I don't understand you, I will pray and I will try.
If I am worried, I fuss and I pray.
If I am cut, I will bleed. I will bear a scar.
Faking it takes away from our journey. Faking it can be dangerous and it can be deadly. It can be fun. But not for me. I've been burned by the fakes who finally stopped faking and it's just not worth it. It hurts too much when the false face falls away. It hurts too much when they realize that they cannot fake it anymore and the truth comes out. A truth that I've often suspected but never wanted to believe because the fake it face was so appealing.
Be honest, but don't be honest to hurt. Be honest to heal. Show love, scatter joy and share prayers. We are on this journey together, shouldn't we make it as genuine and special as possible?
What? How? But the...I'm confused!
This, endorsed by a pastor, came up on a 'Question of the Day' for me in a group I belong to. It was something that resonated with me but not in a positive way and I'm afraid that my response wasn't either.
This does not, cannot, work for me. I cannot fake it anymore. That doesn't mean I'm going to be a socially unacceptable raving person but I'm not going to be nice just because it is expected and hope I'll feel nice sooner or later!
Maybe I'm taking this too deeply or even too literally but it seems to me that we should be honest with how we feel. That doesn't mean cruelly or in a hurtful way. Nothing it more harmful than a telling the truth in order to hurt. When someone does that they are taking away the power of the truth and instead inserting their desire for control and power. (But we'll save the "I hate to tell you but I'm gonna anyway" post for another time!)
This is directed at ourselves and how our desire to be that which we are not (yet, meant to be or ?) by pretending. That pretending, that falseness is what makes the lies of abuse and the silent assenter so hurtful and painful.
They wish to fake it until it is normal.
They want to fake it until it is right.
They want to fake it until it goes away.
They want to fake it until it is okay to be false! They want a normal that isn't. Where they don't have to actually be responsible or acknowledge the hurt. They want you and I to quietly fake ourselves away.
I cannot fake it! I won't. It would dishonour the healing. It would take away from the value of healing and it would say it is okay for you to have been hurt.
When I cannot be nice because I don't feel nice - I stay away from people.
When my healing is awkward for you then you should stay away from me. Don't ask me to fake it until I make it because I don't know that the end of the journey is worth skipping over the stuff in between. In fact I'm fairly certain that missing the middle negates the experience at the end.
It feels false to put on a smile, serve tea or hug someone when inside I am screaming NO! It isn't me needing to 'be nice for now' because of a social requirement. Sorry folks, I won't spit on you in public but I'm not going to be your fawning fan or best friend either.
If you think I don't like you perhaps it is what you stand for that I don't like. Maybe I'm not sure I want to be around someone who is so ready to deny their true feelings for such little truth. Maybe I don't really know you the person but understand what you stand for and support speaks volumes! Sometimes it even shouts from the rooftops!
Don't send me threats, and don't send me offers of once you've changed you can come around again or even when you are ready to abide by my rules you know where I'm at. I do know exactly where you are at and as long as you are there it is one place that I will not be!
I won't fake my feelings into something they are not and maybe won't ever be.
If I am hurt, I might cry.
If I am scared, I might hide away.
If I don't trust you, I won't put myself where I must trust you.
If I don't understand you, I will pray and I will try.
If I am worried, I fuss and I pray.
If I am cut, I will bleed. I will bear a scar.
Faking it takes away from our journey. Faking it can be dangerous and it can be deadly. It can be fun. But not for me. I've been burned by the fakes who finally stopped faking and it's just not worth it. It hurts too much when the false face falls away. It hurts too much when they realize that they cannot fake it anymore and the truth comes out. A truth that I've often suspected but never wanted to believe because the fake it face was so appealing.
Be honest, but don't be honest to hurt. Be honest to heal. Show love, scatter joy and share prayers. We are on this journey together, shouldn't we make it as genuine and special as possible?
Friday, March 18, 2011
Permission to Live
What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul. ~ Yiddish Proverb
Sometimes it seems like I forget how important laughing and playing are to us, regardless of our ages! Sometimes I need to be dragged out to mine for kronkites in the snow wearing a welding helmet, wielding plastic golf clubs and pretending to find treasures in the snow when the real treasures are the laughs that we have together.
The past couple of weeks have been stressful on many levels and it wasn't until today that I understood that I can give myself permission to enjoy things! How silly you may think that is. But I've learned that the first things we sacrifice when facing stressful situations is our laughter and our joy!
Surely we need to face stress with the appropriate seriousness. That is somewhat true. We do need to deal with things, but even in the midst of that we need to still live, love and laugh!
I've found myself hunkering down and pulling my psychic covers over my head while I wait for this season of stress to pass me by. I've forgotten, and had to be reminded by someone who is intimate with joy that I don't need permission to live.
I don't need permission for laughter.
I don't need permission for joy.
I don't need permission to have cereal for supper.
I don't need permission to enjoy silly songs.
But we think we do. We get caught in the trap that says, serious stuff needs serious people. Being a joyful person is not the same as being a thoughtless or frivolous person! Someone can experience deep joy and life boosting laughter and still be able to take things as seriously as required.
Some decorum is advised, of course. Not all of us are able to escape social mores and rules but still...why shouldn't we enjoy life even when it is showing us the rough spots?
No one should take our joy and we should not take theirs. It is a breath of life for our spirits. It is a breeze blowing the cobwebs away.
Are you giving yourself permission to live?
Are you letting your laughter bubble over and wash your soul with joy?
Are you enjoying the things that are silly, funny, absurd and strange?
Are you letting the 'grown up' world take your joie d'vie?
I'm writing myself a permission slip, and I'm going to put it on the fridge!
It will say,
Dear Life,
I am giving my SELF permission to enjoy, to laugh, to giggle and have fun. I am giving my SELF permission to live life fully. I am not allowing her to hide away and miss the joys she should be grateful for. My SELF has my permission to color outside the lines, paint with her fingers in soap and do science experiments in the sink. My SELF has my permission to splash in slushy puddles, to get her mittens dirty and cuddle muddy dogs.
Love,
Me
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Do you see what I see?
I've written here for a few posts about my healing journey. It has not been easy but it has been worthwhile. One of the things I have not written about until now is how I am facing the challenges of being a survivor who is a parent. I see the world, as we all do, through the lenses of my experiences. That changes how I see things sometimes very dramatically.
Spending a good portion of your life being on guard for one reason or another tends to change how you approach things. You can be hyper aware or hyper diligent and in some ways either overly bold or overly cautious.
Sometimes I'm very sensitive to things and that makes it very hard to let things go past me. I don't think this is all bad though. If I know what I am doing and can understand the why as well this is also part of the healing.
Friends and I were talking one day about what we see when we go to the mall or on the parking lot, even driving home. What do you see? Have you thought about what you are seeing?
Do you see someone watching a child a bit too long or somewhat more intently than maybe they should? Do you notice people who don't seem to fit in with what or where you are? I quizzed my beloved about this at the mall one day and it was shocking to me! He didn't notice the people at all...even when he said he was people watching! He saw clothes, he saw hair but he didn't see actions, body language, facial expressions or posture.
We were talking at a family member's home about someone who was abducted in a parking lot. The people who tried this were parked right next to her in a van. This is almost a cliche after all almost every TV show or movie has used this! Do you notice who is parked by you? Not in a paranoid way, but in a realistic way.
Do you see the exits and the security guards? Do you listen to footsteps behind you? Have you any thoughts how as a parent you can protect your children without frightening them? Where is the balance point?
I don't know the answer, I wish I did! All I know is that as I am healing I'm also learning how I see things differently and I'm accepting that different isn't bad. A friend was helping me work on some self defense strategies and trainings. It was very interesting to understand how some things might work and others may be disastrous in a training setting. This is becoming more aware of self and that is good.
Maybe that will be my biggest lesson for the little man is that if he is aware of himself and his surroundings he will be more prepared to respond the right way when something challenges him. I don't want him to live in fear but I don't want him to be dangerously fearless either.
How about you? What do you see that others do not? How are you using that knowledge as something positive in your life?
Spending a good portion of your life being on guard for one reason or another tends to change how you approach things. You can be hyper aware or hyper diligent and in some ways either overly bold or overly cautious.
Sometimes I'm very sensitive to things and that makes it very hard to let things go past me. I don't think this is all bad though. If I know what I am doing and can understand the why as well this is also part of the healing.
Friends and I were talking one day about what we see when we go to the mall or on the parking lot, even driving home. What do you see? Have you thought about what you are seeing?
Do you see someone watching a child a bit too long or somewhat more intently than maybe they should? Do you notice people who don't seem to fit in with what or where you are? I quizzed my beloved about this at the mall one day and it was shocking to me! He didn't notice the people at all...even when he said he was people watching! He saw clothes, he saw hair but he didn't see actions, body language, facial expressions or posture.
We were talking at a family member's home about someone who was abducted in a parking lot. The people who tried this were parked right next to her in a van. This is almost a cliche after all almost every TV show or movie has used this! Do you notice who is parked by you? Not in a paranoid way, but in a realistic way.
Do you see the exits and the security guards? Do you listen to footsteps behind you? Have you any thoughts how as a parent you can protect your children without frightening them? Where is the balance point?
I don't know the answer, I wish I did! All I know is that as I am healing I'm also learning how I see things differently and I'm accepting that different isn't bad. A friend was helping me work on some self defense strategies and trainings. It was very interesting to understand how some things might work and others may be disastrous in a training setting. This is becoming more aware of self and that is good.
Maybe that will be my biggest lesson for the little man is that if he is aware of himself and his surroundings he will be more prepared to respond the right way when something challenges him. I don't want him to live in fear but I don't want him to be dangerously fearless either.
How about you? What do you see that others do not? How are you using that knowledge as something positive in your life?
Thursday, March 3, 2011
You Talking to Me?
My son made this and I love it -
a gun toting, keyboard playing snowman with a classy lid and a perky nose.
This is my guy saying, "You talking to me?"
Recently I was accused of placing labels and blame on people. I hadn't really thought I was as I was focused on my healing journey, being responsible for my healing. Is that so very strange a concept? How you feel about your own actions or inactions is entirely yours. Your response, your feelings, your stuff. Not mine, even if we were crossing paths, this is MY HEALING JOURNEY.
I'm willing to share the road and even break bread together or share. But what I will not do is stop healing. I will not stop speaking out against abuse and against those who choose silence.
If you feel that I should be silent you need to understand that I cannot be silent anymore. I cannot carry blame or shame that is not mine. I cannot be afraid of what I cannot be. I can only move forward, move through the hurt to the healing, and find my way.
Before you question my healing path, may I suggest you consider your own? Where you are, right now, has to be the most important thing for you. Not for me, it is your path not mine.
Before you question my path maybe you should examine your own.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)